i800A - check.

Today we finally expressed mailed our i800A application in to the Department of Homeland Security.  Essentially, they approve us to adopt.  It isn't a matter of whether or not we'll pass - just how quickly they'll get it back to us.  It could be anywhere from 6-8 weeks.  Once that is back we can get our dossier in to China.  It seems that we have about a 7 month-ish wait from here.  I know that sounds excruciatingly long - trust me - I K-N-O-W.  But our homestudy process took twice as long as it should have for what ever reason(I think that reason was the need to find Esther) and so we are finally getting off the ground.  That puts us at picking the girl's up right around Thanksgiving of this year.  And even though it sounds SO far away I know it will come really fast.  And I'm still hoping that everything will go faster than that BUT I know it's in the Lord's hands and it will happen according to His timing.

And so far, we've been so blessed.  When we've needed the money to keep the process going - it's been there.  And we have been so blessed at both Mike's work and mine.  So, we know the Lord is on our side and that we don't need to worry.  Just work hard, be grateful, and believe.

Last night our friends skyped us from China.  It was early afternoon for them and they has just seen Pearl while touring their son's orphanage.  They talked to her, took video of her and talked to her caregivers.  The caregivers said they knew she has a family(!!!) which I think means she knows too.  They asked the McComas's to please tell us to send them a photo of our family so they could start preparing her.   We are so excited to put together a book with photos of our home, our pets, their future room, and of course, the family.  Which means I want to hurry and make their new quilts for their beds so it's in the pictures.  I want the room to look exactly like the photos when they get home.

Here's two of the images Jessica took with her phone.  I haven't seen many smiles like this from Pearl.  Isn't she beautiful?  And she's getting so old.  She'll probably be 6 before we get to her...

Azure has a family!

In January my agency sent out an email listing 5 or 6 children that had just made available for adoption.  One of those children was an 8 year old girl with the alias name of Azure.  For what ever reason I just couldn't stop looking at her and requested her file that afternoon.  A file contains more information about the child including their real name, a BRIEF history, their medical records and often more photos.  I really liked her and felt something was special about her so I printed out several photos and put them on the fridge next to Pearl's.  But by that afternoon the idea of not only coming up with the money for one but TWO children was so stressful that I abandoned that idea and threw the printout away.  But she just kept popping up.

Because my agency has a yahoo page with her info on it I would get email any time someone commented on her photo or anything else and every time it happened there was a tug.  Over and over again.  Which meant that every once in a while Mike and I would talk about her.  Sometimes in passing  - sometimes late into the night.

And once again a couple weeks ago I started thinking about her and brought the topic up with Mike.  We talked about it again, more seriously then ever, and got SO stressed out and agreed that adopting another was just too much to handle and that we were only going to bring Pearl home this time.  And it was such a relief.  It felt so easy and good.  I was excited to put everything into one child.  And I moved on.  I even posted about her one here because I thought maybe the reason I couldn't stop thinking about her was because I was supposed to help her get a family!

And then, everything changed.

The Lord stepped it up a notch at a church meeting.  Seemingly out of nowhere He revealed to me a glimpse into who she IS, not just who I saw in the photos.  It was a powerful moment and kind of hard to describe.  Of course it's such a personal thing but the point of this blog is to open up about the process of adopting.  It wasn't a stream of words or ideas - it was instantaneous.  I suddenly knew her - or remembered her.  It was overwhelming and wonderful and terrifying.  I knew what it meant.  I knew that Mike and I needed to talk again.  And I knew her name.  Her name was Esther.  So I drove home and we talked - through tears, fasted the next day, and felt full of joy about finally realizing she was ours.

And then there were two.  And how sweet is our joy.

You can read my post about her here.

Art.

A friend of mine gave me a book she found at a thrift store called "Pictures By Chinese Children" printed in 1976 and I LOVE it.  It's a compilation of artwork from children in China ranging from age 5 to 13 and boy are those kids impressive.  My favorite images seem to come from the 9 to 10 year olds because they're just impressionistic enough to suit my tastes.  I love the images in it and I've decided to scan several of them, print and frame them for Pearl's room.  Since there is no copyright anywhere in the book and it's been out of print for ages I figure it's ok.  If it's not - let me stay ignorant!  Also, as a side note - these are total pro-communist images but I still love them.

Here are my top favorites:

We Sing "The Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution Is Fine"  Pang Hsiao-li, girl, age 9

Radio Calisthenics - Hsu Sheng-lien, girl, age 9; Liu Shao-pin, boy, age 11 

China's Climbers Have Reached The World's Highest Peak - Pang Hsiao-li, girl, age 9

This one is on the back cover and it isn't sited.

This last one may be my favorite - though it's hard to narrow it down since they're so cute.  This one just has so much movement to it.  And it's a Chinese farm girl with chickens - come on, cuteness!

I Whistle And They Come - Liu Chang-jun, boy, age 12

Aren't those amazing!  I can't wait!  The colors are so cute.

Top Ten Questions not to ask an adoptive family

I know that because of my nature I am probably guilty of asking some of these questions but since starting this process I can already see why these questions can range from insensitive to downright damaging.

Is she your real daughter?

This question is so insensitive and if asked in front of the child is quite a painful thing to say.  OF COURSE SHE IS MY REAL DAUGHTER!  I know you're wondering if the child is adopted but it's really none of your business.  And if you really cannot keep yourself from asking it why not ask something that takes the pressure off of the child like, "Are you an adoptive family?

How much did you have to pay for him?

We don't pay for the children but for lawyers and the government agencies who must complete all of the paperwork(which is quite a bit).  Please don't make my daughter think she is someTHING someone can go pick up from a store somewhere.

What a lucky girl!

Do you really want my daughter growing up thinking she was "lucky" to get a family of her own? That somehow, she didn't deserve one quite as much as everyone else?   It might be better to say something that takes the pressure off of my daughter like, "What a beautiful, lucky family.  Beautiful is mostly optional. :)

Why didn't their real mom want them?

Oh goodness, please please please don't say that in front of my kids.  Besides being such a heavy load that my girls will have to bear their whole lives, is there really any way to answer that in the aisle at the grocery store anyhow?

Aren't you afraid of all of the problems they'll have?

No more than my other kids.  Yes, there are issues that we'll have to sort through as a family but are we suggesting that biological children don't have issues?  Umm, Dr. Phil, anyone?

Why didn't you want an American baby?

Do you really want an answer or do you just want to find another way to judge someone else?  This is complicated, VERY personal, and in my mind, irrelevant.

Aren't you afraid their real parents will try to get them back?

No, and NO.  I am her REAL parent.

What's wrong with them?

I am assuming that you believe that since they weren't adopted until they were older that there must be some defect that made them undesirable and passed over until now.  First off, adoption is a complicated process that takes orphanages resources and time that most do not have.   Also, there over a million children without families in this world that will never be adopted.   I'd say that isn't a child's problem but a world/adult problem.  And in the end, she was supposed to be mine and we found her right when we were meant to.

Can't you have any kids of our own?

This is really personal, isn't it?  Let's just leave it at that.

You're a Saint!

Though this isn't a question it implies quite a lot and I am really uncomfortable with it.  To me it means: You are something better than me so I don't have to feel guilt about not adopting/You must be an amazing mom to think you're good enough to seek out new children/You must be so charitable to actually want to go through that process.  All of those feelings are FALSE.  I don't know why this was how our family came together but I do think more people should open their hearts to it.

And as a great man once said, "Now you know and...

Meet Azure

Once you open your heart to adoption it seems that you can't help but a let more than just your child in.  I see lots of children waiting for families listed on several boards and sites but this little girl seems to particularly pull at my heart strings.  So, I am advocating for her with the hope that I can help her find a family willing to love and cherish her.  The name we advocate for her with is Azure - this is not her real name but something to protect her identity.

Meet Azure!

Azure is a delightful, active, creative and gentle girl. 

Azure gets along well with caregivers and other children. She lives with a foster family and they all love her very much. She is in the third grade and she studies carefully in classes and especially enjoys studying Chinese. She loves playing with other children. She has a best friend on her class and they often play together after classes. Azure is introverted and a quiet little girl, and in her spare time, she enjoys listening to music, drawing, and reading books  - especially fairy tales. She also likes sports such as running, playing football and she loves physical education class, at which time she is more active and outgoing. She is soft spoken, and therefore, she prefers being talked to in the same gentle way.

Azure has a video from her foster family - which is a real treat  - and here it is!  She is soo sweet!

You can ask for her full file here if you want to learn more about her.

Little momma, Pearl.

This week while sitting in the Denver airport some one sent me some updated photos of Pearl.  I don't know why but some times it hits me harder than other times.  When I saw these I couldn't help but get all weepy.  I'm sure people around me felt a little awkward but I didn't care.  Here they are along with some others we got our hands on last week from her orphanage's website(I know, since when do orphanages have websites?)

Lollipops in her pj's.

Some of these images are from an adoptive mom named Emily.  She sent her son this cake and the people at the orphanage sent back these photos of him eating it.  He's the doll in the crown.  These were taken just over a month ago.  Pearl is in green.

Anyone seeing a trend for her?  In her information it said she liked to help with the babies and was proactively changing diapers.  A lot of the images we see of her she is hanging out with the little ones.  In a quote from them it says:

[She] knows things and wear cloth by herself. She helps nanny for cleaning, taking care younger brothers and sisters, changing diapers proactively everyday for them. During break time, she was taught simple words and children rhymes by care givers. She was smart and learn fast. Sometimes she learn and turn around to teach another child Guo ZHi Wei who plays with her. Now, two of them play words games, ex. little Yi Lin ask Guo Zhi Wei to guess a word. If right, she will give a kiss, very lovely.

The translation is a little rough but I love seeing her little motherly personality come through in the images we find of her.

Hanging with the babies.

Peter doesn't like this image - he finds it alarming that his sister looks sad in it. When ever he sees it he says, "Pearl is sad! We have to go get her! She is sad cuz she wants us to come bring her home!"  Breaks my heart every time.

Karaoke anyone!?

All bundled up!

Last, I love this one.  Pearl is in red on the left.   I love how lovingly she looks to the girl working with her and how happily the girl looks back.  I am so grateful for those women who work at such unglamorous a job to love and care for these children.  I hope some day to let them know how much.

Thank you, youtube.

Like so many of my generation, I am a pro at internet research(a.k.a. stalking).  And I've definitely put my skills to use in researching other adoptive families.  I've watched countless videos of other families picking up their kids from China, spending their first few days at home with them and what not.  Most of these videos are of super adorable babies and toddlers with only a few of older kids.  The videos are great because in an effort to prepare us, our agency has us read through and think about all of the ways in which this adoption could be really really hard.   Things from health issues to attachment to problems with our other kids.  And boy, can that get you down.  So, this afternoon when I found this video it made me smile from EAR to EAR!  These two seven year old boys came home from China four months ago and this video is of them about 6 weeks after they came home.  So sweet.  So happy.  Can't wait.