Song of Thanksgiving.

I did not anticipate how quickly my mothering instinct for Pearl would set in.  I did not know how much my heart would ache to hold her, touch her hair, kiss her cheeks.  I feel the emptiness in my arms on a daily basis.  And yet, what a gift it is.  What a gift that so quickly a new room has opened up in my heart for another child.  And how bright the light shines in it - how it leads me to her, keeps me on my knees pleading for her, and fills me with love for the rest of my children. 

What gratitude fills my heart.

Loaves & Fishes

This last Friday we got our first set of paperwork turned in - the Pre-App and it feels so good!  Now we need to move on to the home-study where they make us answer a bunch of questions like, "What characteristics will make your spouse a good parent?"  Honestly, I love questions like that!  I am totally going to save that paperwork so that someday she can see it and read all of our answers.

After we complete the application a social worker will come to our home a few times and ask us a bunch of other questions, assess our home, and determine whether or not we are fit for adoption.  When we first heard about that process I kept having the scripture, "You have been weighed in the balance and found wanting" run through my head.  Luckily my social worker informed me that of the hundreds she has done over that last 20 years only 2 or 3 haven't passed.  So that made me feel much better.

Otherwise,  our eyes are scanning over everything we own to see if we should sell it or not.  The adoption process is an expensive one - upwards of $25,000 when its all said and done!  But we know that as we put our trust in the Lord he will multiply our efforts and we will have the money necessary to bring Pearl home.  We are so grateful for stories from the scriptures like the one of the loaves and fishes being multiplied.  We know of the reality of the Savior's power and that as we turn to him we too will be able to partake and be filled.  Part of why we chose her name is because of the scripture in Matthew 13:

45 ¶Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls:
46 Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.

We truly have found our Pearl of great price and we are willing to sell everything to bring her home.  So grateful for that we did find her.  Here's to faith!

Connections

Every few days I find myself overwhelmed by emotion and I stop and cry a little.  Sometimes I'm crying because the road we must travel to get Pearl is a long and untraveled one.  Sometimes I cry because of the pain of her abandonment - knowing that someday she will have to deal with the anger and hurt of that.  Sometimes I cry because I cannot be there to hold her when she's sad or hurt or sick.  And I must hope that someone there is kissing her tears and sharing in her joys.  It's strange how when you open your heart to a child on literally the other side of the world, you feel immediately connected.  She is now our daughter as much as our other children are ours.  We speak about her, pray for her, worry over her, and get excited for the time we will get with her.

This past weekend Mike and I walked through the girl's clothing section in Target and looked at things she might wear.  Our hearts were full as we walked and talked about picking her up from the orphanage and spending two weeks in China with her.  We feel so much joy at having found her but it is coupled with fear - I often feel like I am standing on the shore of the Red Sea waiting for Moses to raise his hand and part it.   Sometimes we feel just as desperate as one of those escaping Israelites must have felt.  And we too feel we need a miracle just as assuredly.  And at those moments I fall to my knees - both literally and emotionally and plead for the Lord to multiply our efforts so that we can bring our precious Pearl home.