Saturday, October 17, 2015

Here we go again!

For several nights this week I've dreamed of holding a baby.  Feeding it and feeling it's soft skin against mine.  I wake filled with such happiness and warmth.  

Until this past Tuesday we expected to leave some time between October 25th and November 1st.  But Daniel's province was being difficult and said the ONLY day we could get him was Thursday, October 22nd.  That meant that suddenly we had to leave Monday the 19th and we only had 6 days to get ready.  How stressful and exciting that idea was.  We've been working around the clock to do that.  It was more fun at first - now it's just terrifying.

Last night I had another dream with a baby but this one was different - it wasn't dreamy or loving.  It was terrifying.  I had a baby in my arms but it was strange and something about it scared me.  I knew it needed me to help it overcome whatever was making it so strange but I didn't know how.  The last thing I remember was laying it in it's strange bed and walking away.

We are frantically pulling together every last thing - socks, diapers, paperwork, extra luggage, the list goes on.  It's so stressful that it's hard to feel the joy of adding to the family.  I know that this feeling will be the norm while we are in China.  At least it was last time.  We weren't overjoyed when we finally got the girls - we were stressed out and overwhelmed.   We wondered why we had done such a crazy thing.  That's a terrible thing to think about now, but I think it's good to remember so I can accept those feelings this time as a normal part of the adoptive and attachment process.

There were moments of joy.  There were beautiful times in China.  I need to remember that too.  And this time I have the experience of being attached to two beautiful girls after the hard times.  I know now that it DOES work - that eventually we attach to one another and feel a deep and lasting love.

So, here goes.  I plan on blogging through the trip this time as well.  And just like last time, I promise to be as honest and open as possible.

Thanks for all of your love, support, and prayers.  It has been such a blessing to have this community of friends and loved ones through both this and the last adoption.


1 comment:

  1. You guys are great. I appreciate your candor! Best wishes in this crazy adventure!