Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Murky waters.

Not much to report here.  Just another day in - trying to navigate the murky waters of adopting an older child with it's anger, frustration, name calling, love, excitement, and everything else.  We are grateful for the gift of prayer, for the answers and insight we received before coming here so that we could hold on to that during these "hard to know what to do" times.

Several nights ago while sharing a bed with Esther she cozied up to me and let me run my fingers through her hair and hold her in my arms.  It is the only time she is not only comfortable with affection but seeks it out.  As I ran my fingers through her thick, beautiful hair I could feel how flat a part of her skull was.  My heart ached knowing that it was likely from her time in the orphanage for the first year and a half of her life - that as a baby she spent much of her time laying still on that side of her head causing a particularly flat side to be created.  I ached to have been there - promising my sweet girl that I would have picked her up, I would have held her, I would have loved her.  I was grateful that she was placed into the arms of a loving foster family when she was 18 months old.  That they changed her life forever.  They taught her that she was safe to love and be loved.  They gave her attention, affection, support, and love.  They will always be her China family - and we will be eternally grateful for them.

3 comments:

  1. I think that, above all else, breaks my heart the most. The thought of those tiny babies having no mother to hold them and love them. I want to gather all those little ones in my arms and never let them go.

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  2. The flat skull. That was one of the things I remember from my youngest foster son, age 4 when he moved in with us. Except it was his birth mom he lived with during that period of his life, but she had a lot going on...

    Sometimes, he would cry at night just like a little infant calling for his mommy and I imagined he had regressed to the original moments in which he had made that request, only to have it ignored. So sad.

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  3. My heart breaks for Esther and you, for this transition, and for their pasts. From this moment on, they will always be loved, and that's all that matters. Hang in there. We Love you guys.

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