Getting our "girl".

Often when people hear that we are adopting Pearl they say, "Oh, going to get your girl, are you?" And honestly, I'm a little sensitive about that.  I guess I'm sensitive because I don't want people to think we chose Pearl because of that - like we went shopping for a daughter or something.  When making the decision to adopt I was open to a boy or a girl.  So, you might ask, why did we choose her?  Well, there's a story behind that...

When I got pregnant with Asher I really did hope we were finally getting a girl because I knew it might be my last pregnancy.  I was on my fifth pregnancy and it was going to be my fourth c-section.  I also knew that I'm not a very good pregnant mom - the whole family goes on hold for like a year or more when I have a baby.  So, with all that in mind, I knew this was probably it. And then when we went in for the ultrasound and saw our little Asher rolling around in my belly I was overjoyed to be having another son.

And then we made the decision to be done.  And it's a good thing because a few months ago I had an ultrasound and the wall of my uterus is only 2 mm thick!  Insane - there is no way my body could stretch that much again!  But even though we knew I was done I have honestly mourned over my ability to have more children.  I know I could love more, handle more, raise more.

Andrew being the wonderfully quirky,  sensitive,  funny,  sweet Andrew.

And then Andrew, my seven year old, started his campaign for a sister.  It has been a small, grass roots effort, but totally effective.  To really understand it's effectiveness you need to understand Andrew.  This kid has a gift for emotion.  His emotional IQ  is unbelievable sometimes.  He is able to understand, process, and perceive things that some adults can't.  And so, when he speaks about matters of the heart or spirituality in our home, we tend to listen.  Anyhow, about every other day he would say things in passing like but not limited to, "Mom, sometimes I pretend like I have a sister and it makes me so happy."  or while walking by holding a cat, "I guess you'll just have to be my sister."  or the most crushing of all and said with a sigh, "I know that I really want a sister but I guess I won't get one until heaven."  If you're wondering, I never responded to these statements - instead my heart was crushing inside of my chest.  But he did this for like TWO YEARS!  Over and over again - sometimes he wouldn't mention it for a while and I would think he was over it but then it would come back again.  So then one day I asked, "Andrew, what if someday we adopted a baby girl.  How would you feel about that?"  And he responded with a half hearted, "Oh, yeah, that would be pretty nice." which took me by surprise because of all of his pleas for a sister.  So I dug deeper, "But I thought you WANTED a sister!"  His reply, "I do but I wanted one about my age."

Hmm, I had to think that one over.  But now that I asked the question and he had spoken that statement out loud it entered his consciousness even more and so it became part of his little talk about sisters.  Now it was a sister around his age.  So, I pondered it and wondered if maybe he knew something I didn't know.  If perhaps his little sensitive soul knew that he had a sister who was missing.  Someone he loved and knew before this life who somehow hadn't shown up when she was supposed to in the family line-up.  Just typing that makes me tear up.

And so as you know we were told that it was finally time to adopt - we felt led to China and when deciding how to narrow done the field I said to my friend Jessica, "I'm looking for a little girl about 5 or 6." following Andrew's lead.  I thought it would be a good place to start and see where it would take us.  And then she emailed me back this image:

The first image we ever saw of Pearl.

Mike and I were on a trip in Utah when she emailed it to us and when both Mike and I saw it, we knew.  She just looked familiar - she fit.  She was right.  She was that little sister Andrew had been mentioning and not letting his parents forget about.  She was ours.

I don't know if Andrew and Pearl made a deal in heaven where Andrew promised that he wouldn't let us forget about her, but I kind of think they did.  I am so grateful for my sweet little boy who made sure that my sweet little girl came home to us.

GET OUT(or stay in) AND VOTE!

THE VOTING HAS BEGUN!

Click here to vote!

And if you feel so inclined - share the link on your facebook page, your blog, your arm - anywhere!  These voting things always get so fierce - especially when there is so much at stake! 

And what is at stake?

 I will get $1000 towards this adoption!  

And seriously, it will help us SO much!

Thanks, everyone!  I love you!

Hello, potential voters!

Have I asked enough of you yet?  Well, last week I found out that my agency is holding a photo contest worth $1000 towards your $5000 agency fee.  Since I am a photographer I was pretty excited thinking maybe I had a chance.  Yesterday though, I discovered that the winner was decided by votes and those kinds of things can be pretty fierce.  So, anyone think they are up to voting for my photo?

Obviously, Pearl isn't here yet so I couldn't take any pictures of my adopted child.  But our good friends the McComas family who inspired us to adopt and who have held our hand every step of the way, they have two of the cutest little girls from China and they graciously said I could come over last minute and take some pictures of them.

So here is my entry photo:

What a doll! And if you are so inclined - help us out by going to this site and voting for my image starting Monday!

Click here to vote!  

Pearl!

While talking with my agency today they said it would be ok if I DID share pictures of Pearl on my blog as long as I didn't use her Chinese name or the orphanage she is at...  I'm so excited!

Here's our little girl!

This is the most recent image we have of Pearl.  It was taken some time in November.  She is on the left.  I love how big she looks.

This picture was taken of her last August by a family picking up their child from her orphanage.  They brought candy which you can see her with here.  What a doll.

Here's a close-up from that same day.  I love this one.  I can't wait to touch those cheeks and that hair.

This cute one of her was taken a little over a year ago.  I love her little rosy cheeks and her smile.  So sweet.

I'm so happy to share her on here!  I can't wait to have her home!

To An Unknown Friend.

Friday evening someone left a hot chocolate canister full of change on our porch with the attached note, "For Pearl".  It was really touching.  Being the recipient of so much charity has been humbling.  It has increased my desire to give to others - to give what ever I have that some one might need.

It was especially touching when the next morning after my boys had seen it, my oldest offered the prayer over our breakfast meal and asked the Lord to bless the kind people who were helping us bring Pearl home.   What a gift they have given this mother - not only in helping me with the adoption but also to show my sons the true way of Christian discipleship.

As we sorted and counted the coins and the boys excitedly asked the amount we had gotten to I knew that they're lives will never be the same - neither will mine.  So thank you unknown friend, for the money and the lives changed.

Here's a beautiful little video about service and orphans in the Dominican Republic.   I can't wait to be in a position to serve like this some day...

Updates and Angels.

A recent image from Pearl's school.  Pearl is on the left with the blocks in front of her face.  Her teachers look so nice, don't they?

**First off, I want to express my gratitude of those who are in a position to give to us.  It has helped already and I thought I owed you an update to what we have been doing with the money.   Because of your help we were able to get the home study process started and also pay some of the fees for getting our background check going.  Soon enough we will put what we have been given together with what we have saved towards her agency fee.  So, thank you from the bottom of my heart.**

I often play a game with myself where I imagine that Pearl is with me. It's one of my favorite things to do - it makes me so happy.  I'll be driving to the store and pretend that she is in the back seat - I'll glance back and in my mind's eye she really is there.  What an unfathomable blessing it is that some day she really will be with us - that she will follow me around the house asking questions just like my others do.  I know that looking back this time will seem to have passed quickly but right now it seems like she'll never get here.  The day when I get to pick her up - when she will probably be so scared and not at all interested in coming with us - can't come soon enough.  I love to imagine that moment too.  I hope that even though she is overwhelmed and confused that she will be able to see and feel the love we have for her.

Right now, she is on the other side of the planet not knowing that her mother is in American dreaming of touching her black hair and caressing her little cheek and feeling her crooked little spine.   I feel such an immensity of love and emotion for her, my prayers are so fervent at times, I can't help but wonder if the sun shines a little warmer for her.  I can't help but wonder if in some way she can feel the momentum of change in her life.  So much has changed for us in the last couple months that I can't help but wonder if some little imperceptible something has changed for her too.  One thing I am assured of is that the power of my and Michael's prayers, as well as those of our sweet boys, has sent more angels her way.  Angels to bring her comfort and keep her safe.  You have no idea what a comfort that is.

There are some images taken last year of her that make me particularly sad.  Last year(2010) she left foster care and came to live at the orphanage.  I don't know why she did - if the family could no longer care for her or what but I do know that that transition was very difficult for her and some photos seem to show it in her sad eyes.  She had been living with a foster family since she was found at three days old and then at age three was sent away.  The orphanage workers said that for a time she did not speak to anyone there.  How heart breaking.  My poor little girl was so alone and confused.  Peter is three years old and I cannot imagine how hard it would be for him to go through something like that.  I hope that when we bring Pearl home that the Lord will ease the burden of that so it won't be as painful as going to the orphanage.  I hope the love of her mother and father and her forever family will help heal those wounds.  


My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved.” On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal.  

--The Ministry of Angels

ELDER JEFFREY R. HOLLAND

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

How we found our Pearl

Some of you have asked how we found Pearl and so I thought I'd share with you that path with all of it's tender mercies.

I really feel like this journey began in the summer of 2010 when the spirit whispered to both Michael and I that we were not going to be staying in Utah.  That may not sound like a big deal to you but at that time we were living in a cute house in a cul-de-sac NEXT DOOR to one of my best friends.  We loved it there and were happy to be staying put for a while.  I still love Utah, by the way.  Well, anyhow, one afternoon I was reading my scriptures and all of a sudden I just felt, "You are not going to live in Utah forever."  And it was such a strange experience because it wasn't something I was told - in that moment I knew it.  My whole heart shifted and suddenly I knew our home was somewhere else.  And around the same time Mike was on a business trip and he had the same thing come to him so when I called him and told him that he said he was thinking the same thing.

So we moved.  And in so doing I felt like the gates of hell were kicked open a little bit more because it was a REALLY hard move.  But a couple months after I moved here and things were so hard that same best friend, Callie, said, "There must be something really big coming up for you that Satan doesn't like."  And when she said it a huge weight was lifted from me because I suddenly realized why I had been so weighed down.  And so I waited and watched and wondered what the Lord had in store for us.

The McComas Family

The McComas's littlest ones on the first day of school.

The next big step, really HUGE step, was meeting and becoming friends with the McComas family.  We love them.  This past summer we had them over one evening for treats and as we talked they started telling us a little more about their experiences adopting two little girls from China.  And since Mike and I had already decided that some day we would do that we were ALL ears.  At least, I was!  Jessica directed me to some of the sites where I could begin looking through postings of waiting children from all over the world.  (Waiting children refers to children who are waiting to be adopted - opposed to newborns who have a waiting list to adopt them.)   And so I began looking.

Interestingly, I felt nothing.  Of course I felt compassion and sadness over these children but Jessica had said that when she found her daughters she knew they were hers when she saw them.  But I didn't feel anything.  So, I signed up for the email alerts to hear about new children and moved on.

Months passed and I almost started to wonder if adoption was some fanciful, romantic idea that was would never really happen for me.  And then in October during conference weekend something happened.  Suddenly I knew we were going to adopt and that we needed to start the process soon.  So the next Sunday Mike and I fasted and prayed about it.  We had no idea where we were supposed to adopt from or from whom.  There were so many options - LDS family services, international, foster care and we didn't know which one would lead us to our future child.  At the end of that fast Sunday I still didn't know so Mike and I started looking at the different web sites.  We knew LDSFS was the best fit because of the price - only 10% on your yearly income not to exceed $10,000.  So we started with their website.  And we didn't feel anything.  In fact, we kind of felt bothered as we looked at it - like it we couldn't wait to stop looking at it.  And then we went to the international site and everything was different - we started feeling a swelling of emotion inside - especially for the chinese adoptions.  And then we realized we had our answer!

And there is a whole other story on why we chose the age and gender we did but we felt that our child was a little girl around the age of 5 or 6.  So I set those parameters and started looking.  A few days later I emailed Jessica, my new cheerleader, about a specific child and told her what we were looking for.  She emailed back and said she felt like she should share someone with me.  She called her her "hidden angel" because she was in the background of a photo she had of her son.  When she saw this little girl in the background her heart was full and she felt strongly she needed to find out who she is.  Here is that photo:

Do you see that little sweetheart on the left?

So she searched and asked and posted about it until she found her.  But she didn't know why she needed to find out - she just knew she needed to.  And then when I came along and told her what we were looking for she passed her along.  And she sent more images she had found and when we saw them...we knew.  Mike and I both.  And it was such a wonderful feeling.

And that was October 16th.  Nearly two months ago.  And what a beautiful, intense, blessed, joyous, overwhelming two months it has been!!!

I wish I could share more images on here of our little Pearl but I signed something that said I wouldn't until some point in the process.  And I'm a stickler.  I felt like I could get away with this image since it's not really of her but of her friend, Henry.  And Henry and she are going to be friends for a long time since he is being adopted by the McComas family and he will live just a few minutes away.  If you really want to see a picture I am allowed to email one so email me and I'll send some along!