The red thread of destiny.

Last fall after we had found Pearl and felt compelled that she was indeed our daughter we had many conversations about how this journey would work.  In particular one night we lay in bed and Michael said that he would love to bring her home but just didn't know how it would be possible because of the cost.  And I said to him, "If someone took Andrew and he were in China - there is no amount of money that we couldn't come up with to bring him home.  We'd sell our house and live in a van if we had to.  If the Lord has told us that this is our child, then someday we will love her just as much and will feel so grateful that we did what ever it took to bring her home."

I'm so grateful that we took the leap of faith that night.  When the spirit whispered to my heart that Esther was also our daughter the picture came into my mind of a very tall diving board in the pitch black.  I felt as though the Savior were telling me to jump even though it was too dark to even see if there was water down below.  And so we took the leap.  And almost every day we find ourselves up on that diving board jumping all over again.  I am grateful that the Lord's requiring of my faith is to bring more abundance and joy into my life.  I am grateful for my girls.  My bond with them grows stronger moment by moment.  I can feel the swelling deep ocean between us, the noise, the commotion but also the strong binding cords of eternity.

An ancient chinese proverb says that an invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle but will never break. I feel that thread growing thicker and stronger and pulsing with life more and more each day.   It is holding us fast as the machine of adoption brings us closer and closer to one another.  I feel that they feel it too though they don't know it.   Oh, my sweet precious girls.  I'm coming.

“Faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other.” -Joseph Smith

Today I woke up frustrated.  Frustrated that it has taken us so long to get to this point in the process.  Frustrated wondering if it's the Lord's timetable or if it's my failings.   If you could combine all of my weaknesses into once process - it might be the adoption process.  I am terrible at deadlines and getting things mailed - like dismally bad.  And I'm terrible at complicated details and the adoption process is full of ridiculously pointless details.   I'm also terrible at doing things that I don't have the money to do.  I'm great at pulling back and doing nothing when I can't afford something but I don't think I'm so great at being creative and getting things done without money.  I've tried to overcome those things but I keep finding that I missed something or that I did something wrong or I wonder if I couldn't have pushed our finances more.  So frustrating.

And there in China sit my two little girls.  Perhaps the Lord knew my weaknesses(He did) and planned it to take this long.  Perhaps he wanted me to learn something from that.  I'm not sure what yet though.  I feel as though I am on a treadmill eternally running "toward" a carrot just out of grasp.  It makes me have irrational fears like that they'll see that we're not good enough and give the girls to someone else.  That we'll hit some deadline and be dumped.  Or that we'll die before we get there.  Serious faith promoting stuff, folks.

Why must it be this way?  Why am I so terrible at this?  Why can't we be traveling to them right now?  Will we be good enough?  Will they love us?     


He loves us and he loves them - we will be together.  All is right.  Keep pushing, keep believing.  It will come to pass.

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him"

Psalm 37:3-7

Donate to our auction!

At the end of July we will hosting an auction hoping to raise funds for the adoption. If you or someone you know would be willing to donate anything towards that auction let me know. It could be anything, big or small, or several things. IT doesn't have to be a Van Gogh - every little thing helps! If you are willing, either email me or leave a comment here with your email and I'll get back to you! If you don't have anything to donate but would like to BIG - Check back in a few weeks for the auction - I promise we'll have all sorts of really great stuff!

Thank you in advance!

The Cox Family

I love this video.  What joy we can find in bringing these sweet children home.

Why not you?

***All of the images in the post are children currently in need of a family.  If you would like more information about any of them - let me know!

I have been writing this post in my head for a long time.   We are adopting so obviously I am a supporter of it.  In fact, most people I meet support my decision and think it is a really good thing.  I'll bet YOU are a supporter of adoption.  But why are more people not adopting?  Why not you?

While I am not suggesting that the decision to adopt should be taken lightly, the decision NOT TO ADOPT shouldn't be either.  Let's talk about some truly heart wrenching statistics:


There are estimated to be between 143 million to 210 million orphans in the world.  To give you some perspective on that number the United States population is just over 300 million.  That number alone is staggering.   Every day 5,760 more children become orphans.   Every year 2,102,400 more children become orphans in Africa alone.

I think part of why people don't adopt is because they think if they don't - surely someone will.  While it may be that way for puppies at the shelter, it just doesn't work that way for orphans.  Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually, but every year 14,050,000 children still grow up as orphans and age out of the system.  That means that today 38,493 children aged out of the system and will not have a family - period.  If my math is correct, only 2% of orphans will ever be adopted.   And those are sweet faced, loving, innocent little children.  Children with cute voices and chubby cheeks and sweet hearts.  Each and every one of them is worthy of a loving family.

 What happens to the other 98%?  In Ukraine and Russia 10% -15% of children who age out of an orphanage commit suicide before age 18.   And 60% of the girls are lured into prostitution while 70% of the boys become hardened criminals.  Many of these children accept job offers that ultimately result in their being sold as slaves.  Millions of girls are sex slaves today, simply because they were unfortunate enough to grow up as orphans.  And even for the ones who escape these horrors - they will never have a home to visit during the holidays, a father to walk them down the aisle, a mother to call about parenting questions - their family tree will be empty.  Their dark nights will be very, very dark and alone.


I think there are other reasons we don't adopt.  First we might have a fear of a child so affected by the institutionalized life that the child will be unable to love and will destroy the health of the family.  This is not an invalid fear but there are many many children who are emotionally healthy and are able to transition relatively easy into a loving family.  Also, we understand so much more about the attachment process than we did just a few years ago and so families can be supported in learning how to help their children feel and give love.  I am trying to add more and more blogs about families who have adopted older children so that you can see these kids in real time - see that the families are thriving!



Another reason is finances.  We think that adoption - especially international adoption - is for the economically privileged.  It is most assuredly true that adoption is costly but most people who adopt do not have the money when they begin the process.  But it comes.   If God can part the Red Sea - which He did - literally - then He can give you the money to bring one of His precious children home.  There are grants and loans and fundraisers.  Both most especially - there are miracles - MANY of them.


Lastly, we may think that if we adopt we are claiming to have reached near perfection in our parenting.  It's not true.  These children aren't asking for a bread baking, always singing, beautiful mother.  Or an always jovial, baseball throwing, wealthy father.  They are asking for someone to root for them, someone to come to them when they are sick in the night, someone to teach them why the moon always seems to be following them.  Someone to love them.

So I am very boldly asking all of you, why not join us in bringing one or two of these beautiful gifts from our Father in Heaven into your family?  Why not bless your other children, if you have any, with the beauty of another culture or a child with special needs?  I know you will find that they aren't the lucky ones - that you are.


"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something I can do." -Helen Keller

Happier birthdays to come.

Today Esther turned 9.  I wish that we were far enough into the process so that we could send her a birthday gift and a cake but we're not.  I hope she wasn't expecting that she'd get something like that from us.   We are waiting for China to give us approval for her but the process is more complicated for the second child.  Soon enough though.  I hope that she had a happy birthday and felt loved and happy.  I'm sure she is feeling very vulnerable now that she knows she is available for adoption.

Sometimes when I look at her images I realize that I'm seeing the faces of her parents.  I wonder where they are - who they are.  Are they young or old?  Do they live in the same city as her?  Do they ever pass her on the street?  Do they look for their own faces in the faces of the 9 year old girls that walk by?  I am sure I am not the only woman in this world who is thinking of her with empty arms on her birthday.  We love you Esther.  I can't wait until you feel and know that.

Heart-melting dimples.

Oh my goodness, what dolls my girls are.  Today I got the medical update for Pearl and it included some pictures and some new information about her.  No doubt she knows she's getting a family now.   Look at that dimple!

"She has good memory and can remember her little friends that had been adopted abroad. She said she missed them and hopes she can find a home that belongs to her." 

"Recently, we found out Pearl can play cube and she is able to make one side color in a short time. She is very good about it."  

"She loves to play outside and loves to be with young staff. Because there are not many same age kids, Pearl likes to stay in the room watching TV and hold dolls. She enjoys lining up dolls and putting a blanket on them, pretend to feed them."

"She is a bit picky eater, likes to eat snacks. She doesn’t like dried mushroom and wood ear fungus mushroom."  Oh, come on, Pearl!  Everyone loves the wood ear fungus mushrooms!

I am so grateful that it appears that both of my girls are sincerely loved and attended to.  I am also so humbled and thankful that the Lord is blessing us with both of them.  We have seen so many many blessings lately when it comes to saving the funds for the adoption.  What a miraculous journey we are on.